Happiness is...

I was listening to a podcast this weekend from The New York Times about the definition of happiness and the ways in which we yearn for it - and have increasingly tried to optimize it - in modern society.

I found myself leaning into the conversation. Over the past few years, I have struggled to define what happiness means in my own life, both through the seemingly sparse supply available in the depths of grief and depression and then through the opposite experience: the peace and bliss I have found in travel, nature, and moments of gratitude that arrived when I least expected them.

It got me thinking about what happiness really means. True happiness. Regulated happiness. Lasting happiness. There are different ways to achieve this state of being, but what does it actually feel like? And for someone who may not believe it is possible, how do you reframe the narrative so the goal isn't to live in a constant state of bliss, but rather to cultivate something more sustainable and true?

Dr. Laurie Santos, a cognitive scientist, podcaster, and professor at Yale University, describes two types of happiness: hedonic and eudaimonic. As I understand it, hedonic happiness is the immediate pleasure we experience in a moment—eating something delicious, spending time with someone we love, feeling the sun on our face after a long winter. Simple pleasures.

Eudaimonic happiness speaks to the broader scope of a life well lived. It encompasses the way our careers, relationships, values, and daily actions come together to create a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It is less immediate and bright, perhaps, but more enduring. More thorough.

Both are worthy. Both are important.

But as the podcast argued, in a culture driven by influencers, endless comparison, and the desire to have everything immediately and perfectly, we may be missing the point. Finding happiness does not require eliminating the difficult parts of life. It requires embracing all of it - the beautiful and the painful - and still choosing to move toward fulfillment. Toward appreciation. Toward recognizing what is meaningful and good, even when life is also asking something hard of us.

Without the difficult moments, can we fully appreciate the joyful ones?

This has been a recurring theme throughout my life. But more recently, I found myself searching for moments where I felt genuinely happy. There was a period when words like joy and hope were just that - words. I simply could not access the feelings behind them in any meaningful way.

I knew it would take time. I also made a conscious effort to prioritize the places and activities that helped me reconnect to myself and to happiness. Travel was a huge part of that. But the larger question during that time was this: Will I ever feel truly happy again? Will this pain ever fade? Will grief forever become the filter through which everything else must pass, diluting every experience, every dream, every possibility before it has the chance to fully bloom?

I can happily say (see what I did there) that the answer is yes. I am happy again. Or perhaps more accurately, I am experiencing happiness with greater frequency and consistency.

I am still rebuilding after retiring from a sixteen-year career on Broadway. I am still flexing muscles I didn't know I had as I navigate this small business and a future that often feels uncertain. But within that uncertainty, there is also deep fulfillment.

There are quiet mornings and long walks with Kiva where I focus on being present. There is a body that has shown remarkable resilience. There is a community that extends a hand whenever life inevitably knocks me back on my ass.

And there is immense gratitude for all of it. Gratitude and happiness seem to stand side by side, don't they?

I encourage you to listen to the episode - or read the transcript of the interview. Perhaps it will inspire you to take a closer look at your own life and discover where happiness resides for you.

I know I often speak about the challenges of the past few years and share the new ways I am finding my way through them. My hope is that, by doing so, it might offer a bit of peace, perspective, or companionship to someone navigating a similar season.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for listening.

And if you feel so inclined, I would love to hear your thoughts. What does happiness mean to you? What has helped you find your way back to it? Please leave a comment below or feel free to reach out.